Think of the last time you saw a video of a muscular, shirtless man on your social media feed. Did he also have a verse in his bio? Was he preaching about the Bible? It’s all too easy to scroll past videos of immodestly dressed men talking about how godly they are. At first glance, these men seem to be dressing immodestly for innocent reasons. They’re just showing off the results of their labor or exemplifying the healthy body that can come with a balanced biblical lifestyle. The comments are always full of fire emojis and bro-to-bro encouragement.

Now think about the last time you saw a video of a beautiful young Christian woman joyfully talking about Jesus — but she shows a little too much collarbone, her skirt is a little too high, or she doesn’t dress as traditionally as all viewers might like. If you were to check the comments on these videos, you would probably see many seemingly kind criticisms from viewers encouraging her to not “cause her brother to stumble.” But wait — where were these comments on the shirtless man’s video? No one was telling him to protect the purity of his sisters in Christ.

The trend of Christian fitness influencers and “godly” men posting their bodies online to responses of praise — while women and their fashion choices are torn apart by other Christians — is a sign of a larger problem within the church. Modesty for Christians has become a gendered double-standard, one that removes responsibility from men and keeps women who “stumble” in darkness and shame.

What does the Bible say about modesty, and why is it important? It has long been understood that Christians must “honor God with your bodies” (1 Corinthians 6:20), and simple life experience will show you that dressing a certain way can either incite sin and lust in others or show the world that you worship yourself more than God. Traditionally, verses like 1 Timothy 2:9-10 have been used to place the burden of modesty primarily on females: “I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety …” People say that men are more visual creatures, susceptible to indecent thoughts at the sight of “too much skin.” The root of the modesty double standard lies here, in the idea that men are predisposed to struggle with sexual temptation more than women. In the current Christian culture, Bible readers incorrectly take Paul’s words as further proof that women are the ones who need to focus on covering up – men simply can’t control themselves.

While some may assume this premise is innocent and well-meaning, the idea that women hold the responsibility for men’s visual lust issue is deeply problematic. It is statistically and scientifically supported that men struggle more with lust, and visual stimulation can be a big part of that (Gender Differences and Sex Drive). But claiming that struggling with lust is a normal and inevitable issue in a man’s life – and that a woman’s choice of dress contributes to it – is dangerous for several reasons. First, it normalizes and removes fault from the man. It’s the first step on the train of logic that leads people to ask women who have been sexually assaulted, “what were you wearing?” Second, it removes visibility from women who struggle with lust. Women’s sexual attraction is one of the least discussed issues in the modern church. While helping a female friend deal with a sin issue, I realized how unexpectedly widespread it is among women. As we worked through her struggles, many other women in my friend’s life came forward and confessed to dealing with various forms of lust in the past. The common factor connecting all of these women -young and old — was their amplified shame; they thought they were the only women who dealt with sexual temptation. Instead of merely having shame in their sin, they were also left with shame in their gender. They believed something was wrong with them. Claiming that men struggle with sexual sin while women cause it is completely unbiblical and sexist against both genders.

So how should the church deal with men’s modesty and women’s sexual sin? As always, Christians should look to Jesus as an example. The Bible is full of stories of sexual sin, but the New Testament makes it clear that men are not the only ones who deal with it; from the Samaritan woman to the prostitute facing stoning, every lust issue Jesus deals with actually involves a woman. In each situation, he treats the woman with mercy and grace. He is aware of their sin and unholiness — as he is with every human sinner – but he does not come “to condemn.” He sacrificed himself so that those women could be forgiven before God, and he led them on a path of sanctification. In the same way, the Church needs to show Jesus-like compassion to women stuck deep in their shame. The solution to modesty inequality is not to stop talking about women’s modesty or to normalize sexual sin for women, but to simply hold men more accountable for how they present themselves in front of women.

I have often heard this quote from well-meaning Christians, “If you knew what goes through men’s brains when they see you dressing immodestly, you would never dress like that again.” That same principle should apply to men as well. Regardless of which gender is more likely to succumb to sexual desire, the church should not allow their standards for men to slip while they focus on women’s modesty. In a truly united and holy Church, male social media influencers showing off their bodies would receive just as much kind criticism as the women. Modesty was never just the woman’s burden. It is meant to be a shared act of love and discipline among all believers.
 
Citations
“Gender Differences in Sex Drive | SPSP.” Spsp.org, spsp.org/news/character-and-context-blog/friese-gender-differences-sex-drive.